we have pet lesbian snakes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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