you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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