Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
