They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
