Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
