Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
