halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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