MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
