Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
