Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
