The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
