she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize