I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
