Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
