I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
