she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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