She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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