Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize