I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
