It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
