11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
