home. puking in laundry basket.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
