is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I touched a dick in church today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize