My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
