Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
