Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We are all done wearing pants today
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
