no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
