made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
