why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
