If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
