How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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