she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
