I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
