so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
