Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
