I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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