i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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