he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
