Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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