my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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