I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
