Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
