I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
