i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
