You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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