My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
