dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
