Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
