I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
