Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
