Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
