Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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