I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize