my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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