Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
