I'm so fucking centered right now
This is not my ceiling
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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