Can Purell be used as lube?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
