She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
