last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
