Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize