If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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