Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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