Sponge bath it is.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
