Sponge bath it is.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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