Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
