So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
