if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hell yes lets make some ravioli
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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