Your face is a jimmy john
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
