I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
